Broke College Kid To.. Unemployed.

So, great. I'm not longer a 'broke college kid.' I am officially unemployed.

I pretty much imaged me having a job by June. Working at a PR firm, a nonprofit, or just working somewhere. Instead I am continuing the job hunt - while sitting in the pool, visiting friends, exploring New Paltz and Woodstock. Can't really say I have it bad at all.

Yet there will be time my grad money runs out. In 6 months loans will come running after me. I have to remember to prioritize what means the most to me, such as paying off loans, a social life, family & friends.. spending money on books, food, crafts!

I just hope that no matter what, I will not get sucked into working for a living, and forgetting what I love to do most.

Washington DC! First Adventure.

This 2014 I vow to have a better year full of adventures that will expand my mind and soul.
So this is now my blog - of things on my mind, places I have been, things that inspire me and fascinate me. I want to remember everything that I will accomplish and the struggles I hit along the way. Life is a journey, and I want to remember it all.

Washington DC - this was really my first trip to NYC --> DC --> BROOKLYN.
We spent about 4 days in DC with my cousin, who was a wonderful host. I cannot thank you enough.
- Lincoln Memorial ✓
- Space and Air Exhibit ✓
- National Art Gallery Museum ✓
- MLK statue ✓
Then we spent a snowy evening in Brooklyn (a block away from BIGGIE'S childhood house) with Jon's childhood friend with the comfiest couch in the world.
- Homemade dinner: pesto alfredo tortellini with chicken ✓
- Jameson ✓
- NYC whole wheat everything bagel with sausage, egg and cheese. ✓✓

As I learn more about Jon, the more he makes sense. Everything about him, from his daily habits, to his usual tendencies, where he gets his crude humor -- meeting his family, his friends, those most important to him / is all made up of his past. Everything that he has been through, how he has faced his battles (in and out of camp) - has made him into this man that is so perfect for me. I love everything about him. He's exactly what my hearts been looking for.

This is the first to our many adventures my love.

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Thank you.

You know what I never really talk about?

My parents income. The type of family I grew up with, the kind of household most people would classify as poor.

6 days a week - Wake up at 4:30.
Come home at 6.
84 hours a week.
$26, 000 each. $42,000 a year.
A household of 4.

That is what we have been living off of.. living paycheck to paycheck. Nothing to save.

Here I am working my ass off, going to school full time, waitressing, interning - doing what I have to do. What is that I have to do? Get a job and start supporting the family. This education, this schooling is all to get a job to pay for shit. To pay to live.

"I feel the pressure. Their vigorous years are creeping up, while their savings are very behind... I'm scared for them. I am scared for myself."

And I honestly begin to wonder - all they gave up to be here. To ensure a better life for my brother and I.
All those lonely, painful days of wondering when things will get better. When things would change.
Now that I come home from school breaks, I see that nothing really has changed - which is the most upsetting.

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Leaving Deep Water

Asian American women at the crossroads of two cultures.

I just began an amazing book by Claire S. Chow. So far I have read the preface and trying to digest everything she has to say.

"What, then, does it mean to be Asian American? To me, it means living in a place where I don't look much like anyone else but in most respects act like them, knowingly all the time that halfway across the globe is a densely populated region full of people who look just like me but don't particularly act like me. It means forever holding the contradiction of belonging and not belonging, of feeling at home and wondering where home is. It means living with other people's ideas about me, ideas that often do not coincide with the person I really am. It means doubting my self-concept. It means working to overcome stereotypes  It means sometimes playing stereotypes to my advantage. It means occasionally still wishing I was white."

"What else does it mean to be Asian American? Wishing I spoke the original language. Wanting my children to feel good about their heritage and hoping they pass on at least a whisper of their cultural legacy to their own children. Feeling proud of Asian Americans, who achieve great things in this country."

"And this is also what it means to be Asian American: Contending with mixed messages - echoes of the lessons my mother taught me contrasted to the values I am exposed to in my everyday life, in my work."

Reading this reminds me of when I went to the National Gallery of Art in Washinton D.C. They had an exhibit dedicated to Korean-Americans. With hundreds of pictures of people lined up with a paragraph of what their experiences were, and what it meant to be Korean-American.

The one picture that stopped me staring and tearing up - instantly reminded me of my relationship with my parents. "Forgive parents for not knowing everything about being American. Thank parents for knowing everything about being Korean." This is brilliant. My parents mean everything to me. My only regret is growing up too fast and not indulging in my culture.

But better late than never right? I promise that in the next year I will be fluent in written and conversational Korean. I will learn everything about my parents childhood, their existence - hopes and dreams. If they can't learn English, I have to learn Korean.

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Portfolio.

Been working my ass off to create an awesome portfolio full of art work and fashion looks.

It is crazy that a person, a boss - hires you simply on what you create in a little book. It can either land you the job or.. make you continue the search.

Here is one shot I worked on. I love working with black and white.

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Confidence & Passion

For months, I’ve been endlessly looking for internships to apply for in order to “jump start” my career in the Public Relations world. First off, this fucking sucks. It is more work then some of my classes, and the worst part is not getting responses. I understand I am shooting for the stars, applying to places that are HUGE – I’m a dreamer though, I am hoping someone gives me the chance of WOWing them.

I am confident that I will do awesome in PR. From studying the logistics, learning about case studies and skyping people from the industry – I look forward to my career.

The only thing, you need to get your foot through the door. You need to sell yourself. How do we do that?

Sometimes I wonder what is different about me, what makes me unique to the world. I understand each and every one of us comes with a different story – we all do. We have our own secrets, we have told plenty of lies, but we know the truth – we can’t lie to ourselves.

If we love ourselves, others will naturally love us back. I really believe the vibes you give, and the ones you keep and get in return.

Confidence & Passion.

I really think those are all you need to live a successful and happy life.

If you are driven and motivated by your passion, how can you lose. If everything you work for benefits your heart, I don’t see how you can ever stop. You become unstoppable. You will do anything to succeed.

That’s how life should be. Full of passion, with the confidence to win. That’s how I try to go about my life – finding something I love and holding onto it.

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More Than Me

www.voteabigail.org

When I first heard of this organization, I knew I wanted to be apart of it. I wanted to do anything I could to get little girls off the streets, out of prostitution and get them into school.

"Children are the future"

"Stay in school kids"

"Education is the key to a future"

I remember hearing those three sayings since I was a little kid. My parents, immigrants from Korea always told me the main reason why they moved to America was to give my brother and I more opportunities than they ever had - meaning education. They sacrificed their culture, their home - essentially everything they knew and loved.. for me.

When I think about how much my parents have been through, the hard ass work they do - working dead end jobs to get my brother to school, to get me through school is because of their love for us. They would do anything it takes for us to get our education.

My parents understand how important education is.

I understand how important education is.

Do you understand how important education is?

Then why aren't we doing everything we can to get these girls in Liberia off the streets, and into schools? Why aren't we doing everything to stop the abuse of little girls and let them proudly walk through school doors?

Are they not the future?

More Than Me is about living for something bigger than yourself, each and everyday.

This is truly a beautiful statement. What is life without touching other hearts? I want to help as many as I can while I walk this earth.

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